The Dying Candle -- also a blog post

“Our task is not merely one of itemizing Republican failures. Nor is that wholly necessary. For the families forced from the farm do not need to tell us of their plight. The unemployed miners and textile workers know that the decision is before them in November. The old people without medical care, the families without a decent home, the parents of children without a decent school: They all know that it’s time for a change.

We are not here to curse the darkness; we are here to light a candle. As Winston Churchill said on taking office some twenty years ago: If we open a quarrel between the present and the past, we shall be in danger of losing the future.

Today our concern must be with that future. For the world is changing. The old era is ending. The old ways will not do.”

~John F. Kennedy in his DNC Acceptance Address, 1960

~=~=-=~=-=-=~=related reads=~=-=-=~=-=~=~
Light a Candle
Drawing the Light from Within: Keys to Awaken Your Creative Power
Tales of a Broken Man: When Darkness Falls, the Light Must Come from Within
~=~=-=~=-=-=~=sales support the site=~=-=-=~=-=~=~

“Let nothing dim the light that shines from within.”
— Maya Angelou —

I let my self fall into the dark abysses of my mind too often. I allow life’s “bumps in the road” mask the light that lies within me. A failure, as small and insignificant as it is, would throw me in the darkness. I admit it. So would a vicious critical comment, an unintentional remark or an harmless joke (it isn’t harmless, isn’t it?!).

Finding the light again isn’t easy. Believing in myself, in my abilities and capabilities — are mostly not natural and automatic. vice-versa.

However, I do have a glorious spot inside me. A spot filled with light and belief. A place full of love and acceptance. A place in which my accomplishments are not long forgotten, but very much alive. This is a place I seek in times of darkness.

For this week’s inspiration prompt I invite you to call upon your illuminant magnificence. Find your inner light together with me. It doesn’t come easy for me. Sometimes I keep going for days and cannot find it. So promise me you’d keep on looking, even in times like these.

~Avital, “Inspiration Prompt – Find Your Inner Light“

A Chinese proverb — ‘Don’t curse the darkness – light a candle.’ — was used by Adlai Stevenson (1900-65), praising Eleanor Roosevelt in an address to the United Nations General Assembly in 1962: “She would rather light candles than curse the darkness, and her glow has warmed the world.”

I just loved looking one of my favorite sayings up in preparation for this blog and discovering that one of my all time heroines, Eleanor Roosevelt had been described this way. We all have our frustrations. Many of us who deal with people every day sometimes joke about hating people or put down the noobs who annoy us. Sometimes we have to put up with some pretty annoying stupidity, find ways to not let it get to us or take breaks from dealing with it. It helps to remind ourselves that we are all sometimes stupid noobs in some aspect of our lives. But it is also true that we all know people who spend way too much time cursing the darkness, hating people and then whining about how unhappy they are with life. I really believe that if each of us is not part of the solution, we are part of the problem.

~Josi in “It’s better to light a candle than curse the darkness“

~=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=~
“You can’t have a light
without a dark to stick it in.”
— Arlo Guthrie —
~=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=~

Triple ta, Dorian aka coffeesister |_|)
~=~=-=~=-=-=-=~=-=~=~
Take a moment to Drink Deeply @ coffeesister.net
Freshly brewed warmth & wisdom poured into every post..

PS: Getting these via e-mail yet?! Request it here!? Rest assured your address won’t be used for anything else & there’s only one e-mail each day so try it out.

“Prejudices, it is well known, are most difficult to eradicate from the heart whose soil has never been loosened or fertilized by education; they grow there, firm as weeds among rocks.” — Charlotte Bronte

~=~=-=~=-=-=~=related reads=~=-=-=~=-=~=~
Being Logical: A Guide to Good Thinking
Don’t Believe Everything You Think:
The 6 Basic Mistakes We Make in Thinking
Think for Yourself!: An Essay on Cutting through
the Babble, the Bias, and the Hype (Speakers Corner)
~=~=-=~=-=-=~=sales support the site=~=-=-=~=-=~=~

Auguste Rodin’s classic statue “The Thinker” is one of my favourites. It’s hard to look at it (or one of its many replicas) without being moved by it. … Perhaps we have such reverence for this kind of deep thinking because it’s so uncommon. Having thoughts does not constitute thinking. We all have thoughts. We all have opinions and beliefs, usually lots of them.

William James once wrote, “A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.” Just because there’s mental activity going on in our minds doesn’t mean we’re thinking.

Bob Proctor, in his book “You Were Born Rich,” writes, “Thinking is the highest function of which a human being is capable.” He goes on to say that what passes for thinking for most people is really just the faculty of memory, playing old movies and rehashing past events. Clearly, this is not what Rodin’s great work of art depicts.

Thinking is hard work. Maybe that’s why so few people do it. Edison went even further: “There is no expedient to which a man will go to avoid the real labour of thinking,” and Emerson, “What is the hardest task in the world? To think.”

Why don’t we think more? I believe one reason is that we’re so busy doing that we don’t have time to conceive, cogitate and consider. We’re used to being entertained. We’re bombarded with information. It comes at us so fast that we have little time to reflect on much of it, if any at all.

~Michael Angier in “The Lost Art of Thinking“
[DO click thru to read the rest..]

Bias is a sort of “blind spot” in a person’s thinking – a place where their assurance of being right makes them vulnerable to imagining the world to be different from how it truly is. It is, in short, a minor delusional state.

As Mark Twain is reported to have said: “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.” So it is the blind spot of bias that gets people into trouble. Ignorance is merely a need for information or education; error — especially when it is believed wholeheartedly — is a calamity waiting to happen.

A good analogy would be a map. If your map of reality has blank spots, you are likely to be more cautious in those areas. You’ll ask questions, listen to what people who have been there have to say and keep you eyes open. On the other hand, if your map has roads where there are none and smooth plains where there are cliffs and pits, then you are walking into trouble.

Bias can lead to self-deception (more about that later) when it convinces a person to ignore good information because it conflicts with their pre-formed (and self-corroborated) view of reality. … While it would be nice if we could all look reality in the face at all times, this simply is not the human condition. Failing a complete refit of the human psyche, what can we do to avoid self-deception?

1. Check your ideas with someone else.
2. Be skeptical of everything you hear, especially if you agree with it.
3. Occasionally step back and ask yourself, “What would it take to make me believe/not believe this?”

~Prometheus in “The Power of Critical Thinking: Bias and Self Deception“
[click thru for more on bias, self-deception & these 3 suggestions]

~=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=~
“Fortunately for serious minds,
a bias recognized is a bias sterilized.”
— Benjamin Haydon –
~=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=~

Triple ta, Dorian aka coffeesister |_|)
~=~=-=~=-=-=-=~=-=~=~
Take a moment to Drink Deeply @ coffeesister.net
Freshly brewed warmth & wisdom poured into every post..

PS: Getting these via e-mail yet?! Request it here!? Rest assured your address won’t be used for anything else & there’s only one e-mail each day so try it out.

Whatever this season may or may not mean to you,
it’s an opportunity I encourage you to make the most of..
My Xmas post is a great place to start: Happy Damn Holidays!

The “Demitasse” is on hiatus into the new year. Upon its return, it will no longer be daily or even dailyish. I absolutely love doing quotationaries & will continue to text a daily tho’t (if you can receive 1 text a day & aren’t yet, just contact me — your mobile # will not be used for anything else) yet each post here represents hours of research. In order to regain my balance, “Dorian’s Demitasse” will most likely be weekly hereafter.

During the hiatus, I’ll be sorting what changes should take place here & how best to remain consistent without ignoring my other blogs. There’s “Drink Deeply” with its coffee for the soul. Then there’s “Drink Deeply [of me])” with.. me. Do drink deeply of them (that we may grok). As for this endeavor, please comment at any time if you have ideas for the future of these offerings or sites to recommend I share; suggestions will always be implemented as possible.

Thanx for having your virtual demitasse cups at the ready! ☕

Triple ta, Dorian aka coffeesister |_|)
~=~=-=~=-=-=-=~=-=~=~
Take a moment to Drink Deeply @ coffeesister.net
Freshly brewed warmth & wisdom poured into every post..

PS: Getting these via e-mail yet?! Request it here!? Rest assured your address won’t be used for anything else & there’s only one e-mail each day so try it out.

“Now is the only time. How we relate to it creates the future. In other words, if we’re going to be more cheerful in the future, it’s because of our aspiration and exertion to be cheerful in the present. What we do accumulates; the future is the result of what we do right now.”
— Pema Chodron —

~=~=-=~=-=-=~=related reads=~=-=-=~=-=~=~
Opportunity: Optimizing Life’s Chances
new beginnings — big & small: inspirations to help light the way
Small Change: It’s the Little Things in Life That Make a Big Difference!
~=~=-=~=-=-=~=sales support the site=~=-=-=~=-=~=~

This day is filled with tremendous possibilities for growth and achievement.

We can choose to dwell on yesterday’s hurtful memories, or we can see through the eyes of a child — with newness, joy, and the thrill of adventure.

Pause now. Experience deeply all the sights and sounds around you. Allow yourself to feel each emotion that this day brings. Take a moment to relax and let your imagination flow without limitation. Allow the possibilities of this day to become clear in your mind.

Then walk through this day in keen awareness, mindful of the miracles and possibilities it offers. Today we can build new dreams and discover solutions to unsolved problems. There will be chances to see, hear, touch, taste, feel, laugh, and love that we’ve never had before.

This moment can be a new beginning. There will be thrilling possibilities to see if you will stop, look, and listen with your mind and heart. Inside each person are infinite possibilities. Living with intentional awareness will expand your vision of possibilities.

~Steve Brunkhorst in “Expand Your Vision of Possibilities“

Consider for a moment dreams or goals you’ve had that have been realized. Think back on those accomplishments or successful experiences that are the most meaningful for you to remember. I’m willing to guess that more than one of them had a rather tentative, inglorious start.

When we look carefully at the path that led to a personal success, we often realize that it began with a modest step forward, that in time reaped a much greater harvest than we anticipated. …

The Challenge of Small Beginnings

While taking the small first step can make all the difference, there are two factors which can keep us from appreciating an opportunity to move forward that we actually have. One is that, because of its apparent insignificance, we may not even recognize the small beginning that’s available for us to make. …

[A] second factor that can keep us from recognizing the chance to make a small beginning is the fact that we may look with contempt upon what we have to do. … We need, in short, a greater esteem for the small beginnings of life.

~M. Blaine Smith in “The Greatness of Small Beginnings“

~=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=~
“The secret to a rich life is to have
more beginnings than endings.”
— Dave Weinbaum —
~=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=~

Triple ta, Dorian aka coffeesister |_|)
~=~=-=~=-=-=-=~=-=~=~
Take a moment to Drink Deeply @ coffeesister.net
Freshly brewed warmth & wisdom poured into every post..

PS: Getting these via e-mail yet?! Request it here!? Rest assured your address won’t be used for anything else & there’s only one e-mail each day so try it out.

“For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin — real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way. Something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid.
Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that
these obstacles were my life.”
— Fr. Alfred D’Souza —

~=~=-=~=-=-=~related reads-=~=-=-=~=-=~=~
Carpe Diem: Seize the Day
Moments: Making Your Life Count For What Matters Most
Seizing the Moments: Making the Most of Life’s Opportunities
~=~=-=~=-=-=~=sales support the site=~=-=-=~=-=~=~

["Carpe Diem"] entails the message not to waste a single moment. It means giving our all, being the best we could possibly be. It means dropping what still holds us back, dissolving the resistance to what we are and to what could be. It means to free ourselves from what we are not and to set free that what we really are. Let’s have a look together at how we can seize the day and make this happen …

1. Stop waiting. Start living.

“Every man dies. Not every man really lives.” — ‘Braveheart’

Why getting ready to live instead of living? It may seem that there is this to do or that to achieve. Or it feels like there is something lacking: skill, money, resources, courage, self-esteem, preparation, readiness. There is a name for it: procrastination. Ultimately there is no need for more preparation for life. Procrastination is really the fear to start now, to start living.

But this is it! This is the life we are here for. We must realize that the time to live fully is now. Not tomorrow when we are more rested, not next month when we are through with the exams and not next year when the kids have left the house (or fill in anything suitable thing for your current situation).

It takes some courage to say completely “yes” to life. It is loosening the brakes and putting ourselves out there, for having fun and experiencing life now.

~Myrko Thum in “Carpe Diem — How to Seize the Day“
[click thru for great quotes & 9 more ways to seize the moment]

So take action today.

Action will always triumph over constant analysis of information because when you take action, you accrue experience and knowledge from the get go, rather than try to figure out every possible scenario via paralysis analysis.

Don’t ask yourself “What if it doesn’t work?”

Ask yourself: What if it does?

Taking consistent action everyday (even it if is small) will yield results. Just look at the Japanese and how they implemented the philosophy of kaizen to produce the quality automobiles we all enjoy today. It would’ve never happened if they just tried thinking of coming up with the best design and analyzing it to death and taking no action until they did. When you take action, you learn far more than just through analyzing.

You may feel like you’re experiencing failure along this journey when things don’t go your way but remember that:

Failure is not to be feared. It is to be revered

The moment you decide to follow your dreams and take consistent action toward them, they come true in that moment. As long as you decide where you want to go, and keep on heading there everyday, you will get there.

~Brian Kim in “Follow Your Dreams NOW: The Time Will NEVER Be Just Right“

~=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=~
“If you wait to do everything until you’re sure it’s right,
you’ll probably never do much of anything.”
— Win Borden —
~=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=~

Triple ta, Dorian aka coffeesister |_|)
~=~=-=~=-=-=-=~=-=~=~
Take a moment to Drink Deeply @ coffeesister.net
Freshly brewed warmth & wisdom poured into every post..

PS: Getting these via e-mail yet?! Request it here!? Rest assured your address won’t be used for anything else & there’s only one e-mail each day so try it out.

Presence
Where is your mind right now? Are you caught in the expectation of the future or in the memories of the past? Life is playing to us right now, in this very moment, and most of us are missing the most important moment: Now! Our mind is constantly worrying about what may or may not happen next or indulging in the feelings of already past experiences. In the process, life passes by and we miss living the full potential of the moment. Stop for a second, look around, look inside. How is your body feeling right now? How is the space that surrounds you? Take a big breath and listen. Life is here and this moment is perfect as it is. Surrender.

~Elias Scultori in “Life — a Journey or an Endless Expectation?“

~=~=-=~=-=-=~=related reading=~=-=-=~=-=~=~
Yesterday, Now, and Tomorrow:
Your Present Moment Determines Your Future
Present Moment Awareness:
A Simple, Step-by-Step Guide to Living in the Now
No Regrets: A Ten-Step Program for
Living in the Present and Leaving the Past Behind
~=~=-=~=-=-=~=sales support the site=~=-=-=~=-=~=~

This is the moment to live, to create the life that you have imagined moment by moment and enjoy the greatest peace. Live in this moment and you will have a peaceful life, and you can direct the source of flow for everything that you want and goals that you are inspired towards. The present moment is a quick brief breath. It is the only moment that you have to do the work, to dream, to create, to inspire, to lead, to pick yourself up. Do you think that you have some day or tomorrow? No, there is no other day. Because when the next day comes it is today once again. Your life is made up of increments of present moments that flow together to create another present moment, and another.

Your actions in this present moment determine your future. Is your present moment one of complaining? So change it in the next present moment. Is your present moment one of gratitude? Take it to the next higher level. In this present moment you are perfectly fine. You don’t need anything. You do not need to change. You are peaceful. If you choose to change, then you can do so by focusing on what you want to become. If you are worrying or fretting, then you are not exactly in the present moment but you are concerned about a projected moment somewhere in the future or a moment that has already passed. These are projected future moments that may never come to pass. A past moment is done, but it keeps going on in your mind and your heart. I wasted a lot of my life worrying about the past and the future. I realized how much I missed because I was preoccupied with that future or what was already done that I wanted to go back in time to change. You can’t change what is behind you. You can only readjust, readapt, recreate yourself now. Don’t wait.

~Katheryn Hoban in “Present Moment“

If you let your mind drift to the past and the future, you’re not living in the present. You are missing out on living fully in the present moments that can never be re-captured. You miss out on the beauty all around you. You are not focused on the activity you are engaged in. You’re not tuned in to the person talking to you. You are not making the most of the gifts of life.

If you find you are living less in the present than you would like, here are some things you can do:

1. Sit quietly and experience your five senses.
2. Check in with your feelings.
3. Stop doing and start being.
4. Breathe slowly and deeply.

~David B. Bohl in “The Only Moment is Now: Where Are You Living?“
[click thru for more info on these 4 means of staying present]

~=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=~
“The past is a ghost, the future a dream,
and all we ever have is now.”
— Bill Cosby —
~=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=~

Triple ta, Dorian aka coffeesister |_|)
~=~=-=~=-=-=-=~=-=~=~
Take a moment to Drink Deeply @ coffeesister.net
Freshly brewed warmth & wisdom poured into every post..

PS: Getting these via e-mail yet?! Request it here!? Rest assured your address won’t be used for anything else & there’s only one e-mail each day so try it out.

[C]hange for me came when I realized that I am the only person with direct control over my life. I make my own choices. Even when it seems like I have no control, I’ve really decided to let others have control over me and make my decisions for me. Once I accepted responsibility for my life and started making decisions based on my values, my life changed dramatically.

I can remember several times over the past 20 years when I’ve longed for a life like I’m living today. We really do create our own reality; we just have to believe that we can. For me, it was a matter of finally deciding to take responsibility for my own life, stop waiting for someone else to do things for me, and to take charge of my life in every way. We waste time wishing and hoping for our circumstances to change; our actions must follow what we say we desire or our desires will not manifest.

~Debra Moorhead in “Wake up and Create the Life You Want“

~=~=-=~=-=-=~=related reading=~=-=-=~=-=~=~
Never Too Late
Never Too Late: A Memoir
It’s Only Too Late If You Don’t Start Now:
How to Create Your Second Life at Any Age
~=~=-=~=-=-=~=sales support the site=~=-=-=~=-=~=~

Some people my age (62) believe it is too late to follow their dream. You don’t have to be 62 to believe it is too late. In fact, I was only 26 when I felt that way. You see, a friend asked me to join him in going to university. “But I’m too old,” I said, “Everyone GRADUATES when they’re 22; I’m already 26 and haven’t even started.”

“However,” he said, “In four years, you will be four years older whether you go to the university or not. Which would you rather be, four years older with a degree, or four years older without one?” Those words changed my life. I suddenly realized you’re never too old to follow your dream. So, I started school. After cramming four years of study into three, I got my degree, then decided to continue and went on to graduate school. See, it’s never too late. Unless you don’t start.

Is it really true that you’re never too old to start a new career or make a dramatic change in your life? What if you’re 72, or 82? Isn’t that too old to learn a new language? Not so. Two thousand years ago, the Roman Statesman, Cato, learned Greek at age 80.

Can you be creative in old age? How about Goethe? His greatest Work, Faust, wasn’t completed until he was 80. And Michelangelo was 71 when he painted the Sistine Chapel.

More examples? Luigi Cornaro, a Venetian scholar, started writing on geriatrics at the age of 83. His classic treatise, The Joys of Old Age, was written in 1562, when he was 95. In modern times, the great philosopher, mathematician, and pacifist, Bertrand Russell, participated and was arrested in an antinuclear demonstration when he was 89.

We mustn’t forget about Grandma Moses, who started painting at 80. Did you know twenty-five percent of her more than 1,500 paintings were done after she was one hundred?

~Chuck Gallozzi in “Never Too Late“

It’s never too late to jump back in the game of life.

A quote that I have on a wall in my bedroom reads: “It’s never too late to be what you might have been.” — George Eliot

I love this quote because it reminds me that the possibilities for my life are endless. It reminds me to hang on to my dreams and not become discouraged because some might consider me too old — too foolish or, because I’ve made mistakes and bad decisions in the past.

“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.”

Wow! I’m reminded of times when I didn’t trust my own intuition. — Of times when I stopped short because I was afraid of what others might think. — Of times I gave up because I did not understand my own power.

I’m stronger now. I’m wiser now. I now know that it is never too late to jump back in the game of life. I can dream again — dream big and accomplish big and wonderful stuff. I now know that ‘it ain’t over ’til I say so’.

~Wambui Bahati, “It’s Never Too Late“

~=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=~
“Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity.
They seem to be more afraid of life than death.”
— James F. Byrnes —
~=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=~

Triple ta, Dorian aka coffeesister |_|)
~=~=-=~=-=-=-=~=-=~=~
Take a moment to Drink Deeply @ coffeesister.net
Freshly brewed warmth & wisdom poured into every post..

PS: Getting these via e-mail yet?! Request it here!? Rest assured your address won’t be used for anything else & there’s only one e-mail each day so try it out.

When you have an external environment around you that supports you, holds you to account and brings out your best, it makes it easier to persevere, and ultimately to prevail, when your internal motivation system is running low.

Share your goals with positive people and ask for their support, take time regularly to schedule your priorities, join a support network or hire a coach. Likewise be VERY vigilant of those people and forces in your environment that could jeopardize your success. People who are unsupportive and discouraging can be like a lead chain around your ankle when it comes to moving forward. Einstein once said “Free spirits have always encountered violent opposition from cynical mediocre minds.” So do what you need to do minimize the impact of the mediocre minds in your life. Likewise, if there are other forces in your environment that could pull you off track, whether a lack of proper planning, organization or dysfunctional systems, attend to them. Don’t underestimate the impact your physical, social and emotional environment can have on your well-being, productivity and motivation to stay on track toward your goals.

What is courage?

Courage is not fearlessness. Nor is it an absence of self doubt.

Courage is action in the presence of fear.

Living with courage begins with taking a good honest look at the choices you are making today and challenging the assumptions, stories and excuses that are driving them. Stepping beyond the confines of your comfort zone will call on you to dig deeper into yourself than you have up to now; to dare to accomplish things which have no guarantee of success and to trade the ‘fine and good’ for an experience of life that is far better, deeper, richer and infinitely more gratifying to your spirit.

The world has more than its fair share of people living lives of immaculate mediocrity. There are things that you and only you can do; things that will never be done if you do not dare to do them. So don’t tip toe through life only to make it safely to death. Instead take your ‘fear bully’ by the horns and dare to dream more, do more, say more, live more, give more and be more!

Fortune favors the bold. So live boldly! Life’s too short to be lived any other way.

~Margie Warrell in “5 Simple Steps to Stop Fear From Running Your Life“
[her blog supplements her book of the same name]

[H]ow do we overcome our fears?

First. Learn to admit them. This is the first step for resolving any problem. As Jesus once said, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Second. Verbalize your fears. This gets them out in the open where they can be dealt with.

You can control your actions
regardless of your feelings.

Third. Don’t allow your fears to control you. It’s okay and normal to be scared out of your socks at times. However, it’s immature to allow your feelings to control your actions. You can control your actions regardless of your feelings. It’s not always easy but it is a choice we all have!

Fourth. If your fears are imaginary, acknowledge this and refuse to believe them. Get facts before jumping to conclusions. Remember, what the mind dwells on, it will eventually believe and act on. Refuse to dwell on fearful thoughts.

~Dick Innes in “Conquering Fear“

~=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=~
“If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving,
you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on
in spite of it all.”
— Martin Luther King, Jr. —
~=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=~

Triple ta, Dorian aka coffeesister |_|)
~=~=-=~=-=-=-=~=-=~=~
Take a moment to Drink Deeply @ coffeesister.net
Freshly brewed warmth & wisdom poured into every post..

PS: Getting these via e-mail yet?! Request it here!? Rest assured your address won’t be used for anything else & there’s only one e-mail each day so try it out.

Why do we allow people to exist in our lives when they do nothing but bring us down? We feel we have to, we do not want to make others angry, and we do not want to be judged. If we no longer “play the game,” the toxic friend will seek out others to prop themselves upon. Love yourself and put your needs first. This friend will find another target in order to prop up her own fragile ego.

Friends should lift us up, leaving us feeling happy and at peace after interacting with them. Their care feels evident and sincere. A primary element in a healthy, positive friendship is that both friends can feel that they can be themselves; they don’t have to put on masks or impress one another. One key in healthy relationships is reciprocity. Reciprocity is about balance. Are you always the giver and never given to? We need to exchange the right amount of affection, attention, and care for relationship harmony to prevail.

~Sarah Elise Stauffer in “Detoxifying Toxic Friendships”

~=~=-=~=-=-=~=related reading=~=-=-=~=-=~=~
Friendshifts: The Power of Friendship and How It Shapes Our Lives
Friend or Frenemy?: A Guide to the Friends You Need and the Ones You Don’t
Friendships: Avoiding the Ones That Hurt, Finding the Ones That Heal
~=~=-=~=-=-=~=sales support the site=~=-=-=~=-=~=~

Decide which friendships are most worthy of your time and effort.

You may have many friends in your life, and are finding it hard to manage them all. You will need to decide which ones are most important.. You may have some dear close friends that would do anything for you no matter what you may do. They are there for you regardless of the circumstances and want the best for you. These are great friends to spend your quality time with.

Then again, you may have those friends that just call you because they want or need something. They are the ones that don’t really put an equal effort into the friendship. You are friends because you met at an important time in your life, but now you may have little in common. These may not be ideal friends to continue putting at the top of your priority list.

You will likely find that some friendships will completely disappear, some will change to acquaintances, and some will become even closer and more important than they were in the past. Look at those friends and friendships that mean the most to you. Who puts in the most effort and time and energy? This may be a good way to decide who you should spend more time with.

~K in “Prioritizing friendships”

[G]enuine friendship involves a shared sense of caring and concern, a desire to see one another grow and develop, and a hope for each other to succeed in all aspects of life. True friendship involves action: doing something for someone else while expecting nothing in return; sharing thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or negative criticism.

~AllAboutGOD.com, “True Friendship”

~=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=~
“The best loving partnerships demand of us
not great sacrifice but great expansion.”
— Josh Mitteldorf —
~=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=~

Triple ta, Dorian aka coffeesister |_|)
~=~=-=~=-=-=-=~=-=~=~
Take a moment to Drink Deeply @ coffeesister.net
Freshly brewed warmth & wisdom poured into every post..

PS: Getting these via e-mail yet?! Request it here!? Rest assured your address won’t be used for anything else & there’s only one e-mail each day so try it out.</em

You know the time has come, you can’t go on living the way you have been, you have got to step up and make the changes, it is time to take the bull by the horns, this much is certain.

It is time to change

So you know the time is now but taking action seems to be harder than you imagined, the difference between wanting to do something and actually doing it is actually quite large. All of a sudden you begin to question whether it is worth the effort. Perhaps now as you see the time has come and all that is required to change you begin to think that maybe you should just accept your life the way it is and just get on with it.

This would be a tragedy, a mistake of huge proportions, something which you must not let happen at any cost. It takes tremendous courage to take control of your life, most people never do. Remember it takes real effort and guts to change your life and grab control of your reigns. When you do step up and do what is required to make changes in your life you fall into the minority, as most never do, so once you decide to do something, congratulate yourself.

It can be done

The first step is identifying what it is you want to have, then to start taking action to make it happen.

Become inspired by your own life, it takes great confidence however old you are to take your life in a new direction but it can be done. Be positive and optimistic about what will happen in your future. Be proud of yourself to take the decision to create a new life for yourself. This is going to be a fun and exciting time for you as you go forth and write a new chapter in the play called ‘your life’.

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” — Anais Nin

~Paul Alexander Wood in “Your ideal life situation”
[click thru for more info & to peruse his site]

You can pursue the crap out of your dreams. … Get started on being a decisive, confident Someday-buster:

1. Start small

Just as you wouldn’t try running marathon after years of little physical activity, you’re not going to tackle big life-changing decisions right away. Start small with decisions like what type of cheese on your sandwich, or what shirt you’ll wear for the day.

2. Let yourself be wrong

Fear of being wrong often causes people to mistrust their decisions. When I worked as a computer-lab support person, whenever I dealt with people who were terrified of breaking the computer, I’d grab their hands and smash them around on the keyboard and they’d learn that it’s actually difficult to make a permanent mistake. Very few decisions are life or death. You are allowed to be wrong on occasion.

3. Lose the judgment and guilt

Guilt and self-judgment have a huge affect on your ability to make a concrete decision. When you make a decision that takes you away from your dreams instead of moving you towards them, think of it as taking the scenic route and not as a wrong turn. Recognize the problem, change direction and get back on track. Judgment and guilt are just forms of self-punishment and who would ever punish themselves for taking the scenic route on a road trip?

~Alex Fayle in “7 Ways to Make Regret-Free Decisions and Overcome Insecurity”
[be sure to click thru for 4 more ways to start changing your life today]

~=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=~
“Just because everything is different
doesn’t mean anything has changed.”
— Irene Peter —
~=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=-=-=~=-=~=~

Triple ta, Dorian aka coffeesister |_|)
~=~=-=~=-=-=-=~=-=~=~
Take a moment to Drink Deeply @ coffeesister.net
Freshly brewed warmth & wisdom poured into every post..

PS: Getting these via e-mail yet?! Request it here!? Rest assured your address won’t be used for anything else & there’s only one e-mail each day so try it out.